When I first was introduced to social networking sites it was Myspace. Lisa Hall signed me up with my first account. I was naive back then. I remember telling people, “I have come to burn in the fire of relationship.” I was attracted to group functions and somehow I became associated with the FAPS. I was exposed to trolling for the first time. I wanted to be known and to know others, but the internet was a nasty, mean-spirited place. It was at that time that I started studying trolls and their behavior. I was curious how much one could know about people that were concealing their true selves and misrepresenting themselves.
Some people troll life by being shitty humans, the faps were no exception. So arrogant, they considered themselves some manner of elite trolls. They were very famous to themselves and they were the most obnoxious social climbers one would ever want to know. The more one knew about them the less interest and respect one had for them.
The Faps assumed that I was like them and that I wanted them to like me. They trolled me for years, and I just observed their behavior and experimented on them. The interesting thing is that I came to know everything about them even though they were concealing and misrepresenting and they knew nothing about me even though I was trying to be known. These people weren’t growing, weren’t learning and weren’t really in relationship with one another. They acted like a bunch of retards fighting over who gets to hump the doorknob. I realized at this time that people who squelch the fire of creativity in others do the same to themselves. These people were so critical and cynical of everybody and at the same time completely unconscious of themselves.
Lilu became the leader of the group. She became some manner of troll collector, she internet dated a troll named Scat. He never really trolled me, but he trolled all of the faps mercilessly. Lilu thought she would control the internet by getting all of the trolls under her rule or something, kind of stupid, she learned the hard way trolls can’t be predicted or controlled. She hates pictures of herself being posted on the internet. She is some weird lamer troll living in Australia, she doesn’t really internet anymore, like she used to. Here is what she looks like, this is her sexy dress.
KAT / BUNNY TOKO
Was the first person to really troll me. She came at me out of the blue hard, she started reporting all of the images in my Photobucket back when I had it set to public. Kat was the type of person whose internal ugliness was only matched by her external ugliness. I have a rule that I don’t troll people unless they attack me. Because they had never seen me troll they thought I couldn’t, the concept had just never interested me, but since I couldn’t have useful, meaningful, interesting online relationships I chose to make the best of it by studying and experimenting on trolls.
Kat was one of the most vicious, nasty, and backstabbing people anybody could ever hope to know. She trolled other women with their nudes and publicly ridiculed and humiliated them. She was the most cutthroat and underhanded female troll I have ever known and I say that because she was also the least interesting, she was just mean, and stupid, and ugly. I got her nudes when she posted them in Willis Warren’s group which I had hacked. Every time she would try to humiliate a woman who was better looking and more interesting than herself I would post her noodz to remind people of the source. Kat had all of the stunning good looks of James Carville without any of the intelligence or the winning personality.
I think she eventually got knocked up by Stavro. I feel that they deserve each other, I think Stav could have done better, but I like to think that bad taste is an unforgivable sin. Maybe they will have some good times until she eats him….
One of Kat’s brilliant social climbing and trolling techniques was lying. Yes, that’s right, they had taken their brilliant talents of being shitty human beings in real life and translated those into trolling “skills”. Kat said that I had bizarre pictures in my photobucket, photos of trannies and the like. Levar picked up this lie and ran with it, saying that he had seen them himself personally. The funny thing is if that had been the case then Photobucket would have deleted them because they would have been reported since my bucket was set to public. 3 other people that i have known online have had complete access to my bucket since that time and I can assure you their are no trannies in there. However, Levar, posted photos of dogs being brutally raped by humans, the Justin Bieber photo at the top of the blog and this….
Levar was annoying but he never really came at me until Facebook, perhaps because I was devastating his little troll posse. He had finally gotten enough of my attention that I decided to take the game to him. He prided himself on being invisible, no pictures of himself in public circulation, no information about himself generally known. I hacked a group on Facebook where he was posting his photos and conversations and I started lighting him up. There was a troll by the name of Kage Pessymystic that had hated Levar for a long time and when i started posting his photos the chink in his armor had been found. Levars online reputation plummeted and he became a punchline. His ability to white knight and offer his false testimony about people’s characters was decimated.
ERIN SHROEDER OR MISS SNOWJOB
The group eventually dissolved and broke off into factions. One of the things I learned from my encounter with the faps is that when you have a group of psychopaths if you force them to use their own resources instead of steal others resources, they will eventually turn on one another and cannibalize each other. Erin was pretty cool with me if a little two-faced. She had a falling out with the faps and they all turned on her. One of the most interesting things about troll behavior is how merciless they are, how they over react, anything for the smallest, doucheyest sense of victory, and how they aren’t capable of detecting their own horse shit.
Jared was this self absorbed white knight character that liked to pretend he was a cowboy who for some reason Erin was hopelessly in love with, I think it was the cowboy hat. I never had a problem with him until one day he comes into Fight Club and he gets this strange idea that I am the alpha troll in that group. The conceit had never crossed my mind. So he starts trolling me. He like everybody else thought that nobody could get to him and like everybody else he was wrong. He was in a lot of politics groups with me, and he would give his drunken cowboy opinion on the world and the government, didn’t really bother me, it wasn’t like he could debate, he was just another asshole with an opinion, and people are entitled to their assholes.
It is like Brian Blazejack says, when you are the old gunslinger in town everybody wants a shot at the title. They play the odds, they think that you have to lose sometime, maybe I will accidentally get lucky. Of course there were other factors too, he was friends with Willis Warren, who we will get to in a moment.
Where do I start, what a mess, wow. He and Kat ended up having a fallout, Willis freaked the fuck out and did something so heinous that Bill Worthington Smith couldn’t even defend him even though they were the tightest couple on the internet because they went to college together. Scat used to troll Willis mercilessly until he fell of his game because of Lilu. Willis was a walking caricature of himself and took himself way too seriously. The guy trolled himself most of the time. It was as though somebody challenged you to a fist fight and then started beating themselves senseless.
Willis the internet tough guy was always talking to me like he was so tough. I didn’t post pictures of myself back in the day too frequently. After Mr. Internet Tough guy had booted me from his group he started talking shit about me, saying that the picture that I had posted of my arm was somebody else’s photo, because there was no way I was that muscular.
When he started trolling me on Facebook with his tough guy routine I jammed him up. I suggested that I fly out to Texas and we go to a gym and find out who was the tough guy in real life. He agreed and when I kept insisting that I was serious (which I was) he said that if I flew to Texas he would shoot me. He immediately deleted his comment but not before it was screenshot and used to troll him out of Fight Club. Which brings us to our next troll…
BILL WORTHINGTON SMITH
Billy was one of the weirdest and most closeted people I have ever known. Most of the time he just contemptuously ignored me and bit his tongue. He had certain soft spots though, Willis being one of them, he would white knight for this weird little Mexican kid named Michael Villanueva. Billy would troll with a sock that had Patrick Bateman from American Psycho and some phonetic play on his name. The common theme with the faps was that they had these bizarre and distorted self images that had nothing to do with reality. They were all lying to themselves about themselves and membership was granted into their group by agreeing to tell them all the lies they wanted to hear.
Women that think they are attractive are not attractive to me, and Nicole’s sole self esteem peg was that she was what people other than myself considered attractive, but she was dumber than dog shit. I think it was because she dieted so severely that she didn’t have enough calories to run her brain. She would post pictures of fine art and surrealism to make people think she was deeper than a puddle which she wasn’t, and if anybody disagreed with her about something she would fly into these psychotic rages cussing like a sailor with tourettes syndrome. Sometimes she would do this thing where she would try to understand something mildly sophisticated online in front of everybody like a philosophical concept. I felt pity for her in spite of myself. Watching her try to wrap her mind around a simple concept was like watching somebody trying to wrap a corn tortilla around a thanksgiving turkey, or watching a parakeet fighting with its own reflection.
And then there was Ava, I never had anything against her personally, she had this weird karaoke thing going on. She liked sad, whiny, depressing music, but I liked some of it to. Yet another pseudo deep female. I started to notice about the faps, the difference between them and me was that they could be totally satisfied with dumb females who over rated themselves. I started noticing that when they trolled they always had a girl whom they would rally around, like indians. Defeating the Faps was really easy, shoot the chief and all the Indians would suffer vicarious butthurt. Once I figured out this tactic I routinely destroyed them. Whichever woman they were white knighting I would freak her out and then all of the fun was gone from their little charade.
Was part of a group of antitheist trolls. He was really scientifically knowledgeable but a complete moron when it came to people. It was because of studying his meme that I came up with this concept of people being non delusional towards facts but delusional towards people. He worshiped facts but at the same time these factoids were completely disconnected from one another, the man had no philosophy. He was completely controlled by disconnected factoids which he kept suspended in his mind in a kind of dead lifeless shrine. He didn’t make the jump to Facebook.
Kenaz loved to troll with Greg. They would make fun of everybody that believed in any kind of religiosity. Kenaz didn’t realize that his lip service to Science didn’t make him any smarter. Not being able to evaluate material he would point out spelling errors as though he was making the logical fallacy “argument from error” by trying to throw out the whole argument based on a mispunctuation. Kenaz is an Irish troll, real name Simon Mcevoy. He got really fat but then he started slimming down. He humbled himself a little during the transition from myspace to facebook realizing that his little group wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Kenaz likes to get women to overlook his physical hideousness and treat him like a human on the internet, that makes him feel like people.
He is into discordian magick and perceives himself as a purveyor of chaos. His father figure was some chaos magickian. He conceals this fact because it is very sentimental to him. This is him showing off his tattoo.
Garster and Kenaz were almost inseparable as well. Garster is a butthurt, introverted, chubby, probably bisexual troll who posts lolcats and is obsessed with caturday. He feels victimized by the fact that he doesn’t like himself and he chooses to blame the world for his lack of self esteem instead of changing himself into a person that he can respect.